The latest from the geniuses at Operation Fast and Furious HQ

Posted on April 18, 2012 by


Homeland Security’s at it again: they’re now engaged in furious work on a program they call FAST (Future Attribute Screening Technology). Evidently there’s something in government water supplies that causes them all to believe that if they come up with a catchy acronym, it’s all good. And that’s exactly what this “pre-crime tool” is not – if anything, it’s double-plus ungood. Between Elian Gozalez, Ruby Ridge, and Waco, Janet Reno was horrid enough, but the one-two of “Big Sis” Napolitano and Eric Holder is downright terrifying. If America needs to be protected from terrorism, the best place to start would involve locking these two up. Preferably in straitjackets.

FAST will remotely monitor physiological and behavioral cues, like elevated heart rate, eye movement, body temperature, facial patterns, and body language, and analyze these cues algorithmically for statistical aberrance in an attempt to identify people with nefarious intentions.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, for one, it’s dead wrong nearly a third of the time, by even optimistic estimates. Therefore, if they come swooping in to nab the terror suspects, they stand an excellent chance of nabbing zero terrorists – 30 out of every 100 profiled will likely have no ties whatsoever to terrorism.

And since no wrong-doing has been committed, how does the government prove that you werethinking about committing a crime? It being the government, Eric Holder, and “Big Sis” that we’re talking about, here, perhaps the more important question is: if you’re among the “lucky thirty”, how do you prove that you had no intention of committing a crime?

As for how this all squares up with your Constitutional Rights, these folks don’t care about them. After all, Citizen, the benefit to the many outweighs the rights of the individual. Welcome to the Collective.

This may soon be commonplace.
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